Roger Storms Area 51
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Roger the Alien discovers a thumbdrive with info about his missing space alien companions. He disguises himself as a human and organizes a movement on Facebook to free the aliens. Will he be captured in the process? And before that he had a new persona as...Stan's French poodle? In-progress.


"Ahh, it's another lazy Sunday. Man, I wish Sunday would stop mooching off America and get a job" said Stan, cracking open a can of Bud Light, and putting his arm around Francine.

"You look beautiful today Francine" said Stan.

"Don't I look beautiful every day?" asked Francine.

"Even more so as they go by. Say, I was just telling the couch that Sunday should get a job" said Stan.

"Yes. And it should also learn how to drive" replied Francine.

Roger entered the living room.

"Hey Franny and Stanny. Just thought I'd join you and space out" said Roger.

"Is this a good idea?" asked Francine.

"No. It totally killed the mood" replied Stan.

"Whaaat? Wouldn't a little more love make it right? Two's company but three's a crowd!" said Roger.

"So what do you vote we do Stan?" asked Francine.

"I vote we 'space out' like our little space friend said and just see where it takes us" said Stan. So the three of them stared into space for almost half an hour

when Haylee finally took note of it. Literally. She casually entered the room with a notepad and pencil and jotted down a record of the trio's strange behavior.

"Do you want to join us Haylee?" asked Francine. "We're spacing out. It's good for you" she added.

"You guys are still alive?" asked Haylee.

"Sure. It's like meditating but you keep your eyes open" replied Stan.

"Have fun with that" said Haylee, leaving the room abruptly.

Two hours of spacing out later:

Klaus was seated near the television set. He jumped out of his bowl and flipped the TV on.

"AAAAAAAAAUGH!" screamed Stan running around the room in a panic.

"Stan, pipe down. It's just the TV waking us all up from a coma" suggested Francine.

"AAAAAAUGH!" said Stan, continuing to scream. Francine tried everything, including snapping her fingers.

"Stan, I know that the television coming on out of nowhere disturbed the peace and was kinda creepy. But like they say-can't make a sow's purse out of a silk ear!" said Francine.

"No Francine, no one says that!" said Stan.

"They don't? Maybe only I say that. Well at least it brought you out of your fit" said Francine.

"Yeah. That's true" said Stan, with a contemplative look.

"How's work been lately?" asked Francine.

"It's been boring paperwork mostly. Sorting files, deciding what should be classified and what should be quasi-classified" said Stan.

"Oh. Too bad you don't have a beautiful blonde secretary" said Francine, winking at Stan.

"Don't give Roger any ideas" said Stan, whispering in Francine's ear.

Later...

A drunk Roger was watching a music video with Klaus.

"Want another coconut chocolate bar? Would it make a happy ending for ya?" asked Roger, handing Klaus a piece of his candy.

"No no, it's fine really" said Klaus.

"I-I-I-feel so lightweight. Night's been dragging my feet I need to go home!" said Roger, who was off-balance due to over consumption of alcohol.

"You're a kite dancing in a hurricane, Roger" replied Klaus.

"That's-that's beautiful. Where'd ya hear that?" asked Roger.

"You know this is going to sound strange but it came from a James Bond movie" replied Klaus.

"Oh yeah-that's what Mr. White says isn't it?" said Roger.

"Something like that" replied Klaus.

"I-I can't move like this it gets me nowhere. Wow, the lady on the screen-she is stunning!" said Roger, stumbling.

"So is her mother. Listen, I'll go get Francine. She'll help you-she always does" said Klaus.

"No-no. I'm fine" said Roger. Francine entered the room.

"There-there Roger. You'll be okay. Just follow me to the bathroom" said Francine.

"Wait for me!" said Klaus. "Oh, wait. No I think I'll stay here" he added after realizing the real reason for the trip.

"I'm back baby" said Roger. "Trapped in the spell of...moon dust...is that it? Is that what she says?"

Later...

"I'm gonna file my fingernails. Practicing for being Stan's new secretary" said Roger.

"Oh don't do that persona" said Francine.

"Wha-wha-why?" asked Roger.

"I don't want you doing any favors for Stan at work" said Francine.

"I have a ton of experience" said Roger.

"That's what worries me" replied Francine. "Why don't you be his dog instead of his secretary?"

"I suppose tomorrow is 'Bring your Dog to Work' Day. Yeah, that's it I'll be a nice French poodle!" said Roger.

At CIA HQ:

"Hello Stan. We're going to be launching a brand new information retrieval system known as FIZZ. Installing FIZZ won't be easy but here's the thumbdrive.

Each one of you is tasked with installing FIZZ. This powerful new database will stop potential hackers in their tracks, help American plant based burger businesses grow, send terror cells crying to their mommies, and more!" said Bullock.

"And more?" asked Stan.

"Well, it won't iron your suits or pay your taxes but we're working on it. I'm the deputy director-not a miracle worker!" said Bullock, taking a hearty sip of coffee.

"Okay, FIZZ get ready for a Happy Fizzy party" said Stan, putting the thumbdrive in his office computer. Suddenly, Roger was on the table, scratching his own face

with his legs-he was dressed up like a poodle.

"Listen Roger you can't come with me to work! We've had this chat a million times" explained Stan.

"It's not Roger, it's Fighto! Francine's jealousy issues wouldn't permit me as your secretary" explained Roger.

"You're a poodle named Fighto? Why does that seem so out of place? If you were a bulldog or a pitbull or a Doberman or something but not a poodle!" said Stan.

"Accept it Stan, this was intuitive improvisation. I'm a poodle named Fighto and I want my kibbles and bits" said Fighto.

"And I'm a man named Stan and I don't have any dog food! Intuitive improvisation kills people! And does this look like a place that would have dog food?" asked Stan.

"Actually it does look a little bit like the interior of Petco" said Roger.

"That's because we disguise the building as a Petco sometimes, now get out of my office" said Stan.

"Hello? It's bring your dog to work day here at the CIA. And I'm not just a dog, I'm hyper intelligent. I can print out documents and stamp them with US government approval with ease" said Roger.

"Knowing you you'll be stamping completely bogus documents with approval" said Stan.

"Yeah, I have been known to do that sometimes but I'm workin' on it. Do you have a comb? I have the worst flipping flea problem ever" said Roger.

Stan groaned. Bullock came by to see how Stan was doing.

"Any luck installing the new software?" asked Bullock.

"This Russian counterintelligence Soviet SMERSH robot is sabotaging my work" said Stan, pointing at Roger.

"Ha. Love your sense of humor. What a cute little poodle. I love dogs. Good luck, Stan" said Bullock, removing Stan's stapler.

"HE TOOK MY STAPLER! HE WILL PAY IF I HAVE TO BURN MY OWN OFFICE SPACE!" shouted Stan.

"It's just so Agent Doug can borrow it a bit. We have a bit of a shortage of staplers here at the CIA" said Bullock. Roger picked up Stan's thumbdrive in his mouth

and ran off with it barking.

"HEY! You want that robot to give my thumbdrive to ISIS or something? GET IT NOW!" shouted Stan.

"Here poochy poochy-I have a biscuit!" said Bullock. Roger came right up to Bullock and deposited the thumbdrive on the ground.

"Let Agent Stan have his thumbdrive" said Bullock, cleaning it with some Fresh Scent spray and CIA shampoo that did not damage data.

"Here it is-good as new, prepped and ready to go. It will be by your side forever" said Bullock. Roger whispered in Stan's ear.

"That one was FAAAAKE!" said Roger.

"No, no I don't clean up backyard Autumn leaves and I don't even own a rake" replied Stan.

"HEY LOOK! Tiffany Case the hot babe from Diamonds are Forever is getting a job application! OH, and there's that other gorgeous lady with the stunning eyes-

Pam Bouvier from License to Kill! The Bond girls are becoming REAL!" said Roger.

"WHERE?" asked Stan.

Later...

Roger took the thumbdrive home.

"This potato salad is delicious!" said Roger, gulping potato salad. He was back to his usual alien self and out of his dog persona.

"Now to see the contents of this thumbdrive...all of them! OH MY GOD. Area 51 WHAT?" shouted Roger.

"What is it Roger?" asked Klaus.

"Back when the CIA had ME trapped at Area 51 there were only like five other aliens there, Roswell Class of 47 taken to Groom Lake Nevada.

Now they're trapping every single alien they can find! I knew some of these people in high school, including ZIM! Poor guy was bipolar just like me!" said Roger, flipping through his year book.

"Why not rant about it on Facebook? Pretend you're a human. It'll be easy peasy lemon squeezy!" said Klaus.

"That's an excellent idea Klaus. I'll pretend to be a nerdy millennial college dropout who's addicted to caffeine and video games. But really I'm gonna be assembling

an army in my mother's basement!" said Roger.

Roger started the FB group:

Storm Area 51: They Can't Stop All of Us

If we dress up like gazzelles-get down on all fours and go for it there's nothing standing in our way!

Only extraterrestrials need apply! This does not include cosplayers.

If you don't save the aliens that are trapped aliens won't be able to trap humans anymore!

From the Makers of Draw Your Life Q Anon and Make a New Face on Mars...

STORM AREA 51!

Stan walked up to Roger's attic seeking refuge after an argument with Steve and Haylee. But Roger greeted him by flipping

his middle finger to him.

"Oh great. You hate me too. That's all I need, Roger" said Stan.

"Call me...Marty McSpy!" said Roger.

"Roger what are you doing now?" asked Stan.

"I've contacted my planet and its galactic spy agency the GIA. The GIA is launching a covert mission to help me raid Area 51 and get all

the aliens freed from your oppressive CIA torture rooms" said Roger.

"HAYLEE! I knew it!" said Stan, leaving the room.

"Haylee? You have ZERO EVIDENCE" shouted Roger, waving his fist

Haylee was hiding behind a computer in the attic. When Stan left she made herself known.

"Downloaded all the contents" said Haylee.

"Looks like things are getting too spicy for the pepper. We're gonna make this thing work" said Roger, winking at Haylee.

"No, no, Roger I'm helping you with this but I love what remains of Jeff-not you" said Haylee.

"Yeah..I suppose you're right. Well I've got this thing going. We're gonna have a 4 am challenge!" said Roger.

At Area 51-4 am:

"Assorted martians greys Pleadians lizards and platypus people. Today is the day we claim our independence!

ON YOUR FOURS..NOW! If we are not victorious let the rivers of this world cease to flow forth beer! GO!" said

Roger. The aliens just began raising their hands.

"What's in it for us?" they asked in unison.

"Well, what do you want?" asked Roger.

"Another string for my banjo?" asked one alien.

"More memory for my laptop" said another.

"Some batteries for my mind control gun!" said yet another.

"What about root beer?" said another.

"What about Beer Water?" asked another.

"Help me free your friends and we'll throw the biggest Beer Water party ever!" said Roger, his eyelids half shut, pointing his index finger towards the

security gate. The other aliens just thought they were ordering fast food. A small Andromedin girl with angel wings approached the man behind the computers

in the surveillance room and began speaking in a high pitched pixie voice.

"I want a Chili Cheesesteak for my husband and a small order of chocolate moose for me" requested Askett the andromedan.

"Yeah sure go ahead!" said the sleepy guard. He fell asleep on the switch, activating the gate, raising it up.

"GET ON ALL FOURS AND GO FOR IT!" shouted Roger. "NO, I MEAN...oh god..STORM THE PLACE!"

The aliens all sprung forward-and dressed as gazzelles they stormed the gates and ran as far as they could.

Many were shot down and fell into traps. Some survived and freed their friends. The mission was a partial success.

"You all did what you could for your planet! Makes me so honored!" said Roger, wiping a small tear from his left eye.

The next day...

The Men in black showed up at Roger's attic.

"You're under investigation. We're bringing you in for questioning" said the man.

"Huh? You've got nothing on me. Just an Arby's beef sandwich and man are they delicious" said Roger.

"We have a lot more than that. You organized a raid on our base" said the two men dressed in dark suits and glasses.

"Bad luck I guess. You know what they say you can't make a silk sock out of a snake's rear-no a sow's ear out of a silkworm...no that's not it!" said Roger, pondering.

The two men began reciting Robert Frost poems randomly and acting like robots, but not before issuing a sentence and final judgement to Roger.

"Look guys, the rumors are false I am NOT DB Cooper they really did find that guy. That was just a stupid fanfiction written by some weird guy on the internet"

said Roger. The men in black looked at each other in confusion.

"You're coming with us" said the men in black.

"I'm at least fifty percent sure I'm not Jimmy Hoffa either although I am NOT positive on that one cuz I might have been on something that day, there's a faint chance at least some of the Teamsters probably knew about it but that proves nothing" said Roger.

"You're under arrest for organizing a heinous hostile act against national security" said the men in unison.

"Whaa? Okay look I was joking I live in my mother's basement I got this whole idea from that one motorcycle level in Crash Bandicoot 3! You think just cuz I was dressed up like a dog that means I'm naughty? It wasn't me it was my genius blonde sister! COME ON! REALLY PLEASE!

I HAVE MANIA ISSUES!" shouted Roger.

Roger was taken to Area 51...again.

Later...

Stan showed up.

"THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M SAVING YOUR ASS ROGER!" said Stan.

"Who-who are they?" asked Roger.

"Roger this may sound strange-meet my new associates Pam, Tiffany, and Dr. Swann. We created the Bond Woman Machine it made them real!" said Stan.

"I told you they were real" said Roger.

"I'm putting Pam in charge of stealth, Dr. Swann in charge of psychological warfare, and Tiffany in charge of all our secret papers, tapes, and weapons.

She never misplaces anything, Case knows her stuff, I ought to know I watched Diamonds are Forever ten times in one night with Francine" said Stan.

"You must have been really...really...drunk. God I love you" said Roger.

"I was. I was!" said Stan.

To be continued...maybe...


End file.
